💙 Baby Loss Awareness Week 💗 💔 "you're lucky you don't have kids, you don't have sleepless nights" - I do. I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can remember about not being a biological mum.
💔 "You'll never understand tiredness unless you're a mum" - I do. My mind can be my best tool and also my worst. I've spent hours, days, weeks, months and years thinking about being a biological mum, wondering how it would be. How I would be. I've been drained, exhausted and tired beyond belief. So believe me, I do understand what tiredness and exhaustion feels like.
💔 "You never know it might happen when you relax and least expect it, it did for my friend, she tried IVF then got caught naturally", I'm happy for your friend but she's not me. 💔 "Be thankful your body won't change like it does when you're pregnant, it's never the same". I'd love my body to have grown a child, knowing the changes were all worth it. I never got past 12 weeks so never felt my child or many changes, but always wondered what it would feel like, how I would look.
💔 First smile, I won't get it.
💔 First steps, I won't see them.
💔 First hug, I won't feel it. 💔 First Christmas, I won't experience it.
💔 First day of school, I can't join in sharing photos.
💔 So many firsts and experiences I won't ever know about.
So many mums have told me how hard it is having a baby. I would never ever take anything away from how hard that is, you're amazing and are all warriors 💕 But please don't ever think it's "easy" not having children. The tantrums, the sass, the tears, the snot, the dramas, the "phases" are all made better with that smile, that hug or that little voice calling you mummy. This post is not for pity or sympathy. I'm blessed I have 2 amazing step children, a beautiful niece and a wonderful nephew 💕 But it's OK to talk about loss. It's OK to be hurt by loss and it's OK to wake up every day and get through each 24 hours differently. Triathlon has been my focus, a way for me to vent and just switch off from this for a while 💕 I may not have met my 3 babies with my arms but I met them all with my heart 💕💕💕 #babylossawareness #ivf #loss